5 Mistakes from the European Bas-tour-ds

I didn’t really manage to keep a good tour diary on this last European tour… call it lack of motivation, call it the ability to download and watch TONS of films from Netflix on my phone. Either way, I still feel the need to put something down before it ebbs from aging and already addled mind: at least to learn a few lessons. Yeah, we made some mistakes on this tour, but fuck it; it really was one of the most easy going tours I’ve ever done with a crew that managed 0% slacking and 100% laughter.

The unusual gang of idiots.

There’s no real need for tour stories here; we all had a good time with relatively few crazy adventures. Most of the tour stories would just be us talking about old cartoons or cult movies while imbibing lots of alcohol. So let’s try a list of errors we made and how to correct them.

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Ghoulection 2016

We finished up our tour with Carcass and Crowbar on the East Coast, so we and Night Demon had a string of shows in order to get back to California. Originally we had wanted to go to Cleveland (sorry guys) but we ended up in Webster, NY, at some old Mason hall or church or whatever… I don’t know. It was near Rochester, and even the few folks from Rochester were like, “Webster?” But whatever, the people who did show up were the right people and had a rocking good time.

Even if they were Canadian.
Even if they were Canadian.

We had to drive all night, again, but were set to hit Chicago and one of the best venues in the United States, Reggie’s Rock Club. The staff lead by Edgar is fucking on point, the food at the attached bar is great, they have laundry, a back room, but most importantly, they have insane Chicagoans who know how to rock the fuck out. Easily it bested any of the previous nights on tour… the ENTIRE tour.

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Weapons of Mosh Destruction 3-D: Part 2: The Enndining

Continued from Weapons of Mosh Destruction 3-D: Part 1: The Beginining

We traveled from Memphis onto New Orleans. Siberia is an awesome punk club, but the way the stage is configured negated a bit of our show. That’s okay, this crusty-laden crowd is always friendly to us and the show was another rager. Once again, I think these fans were cleaner after we showered them with fake blood than when they came in.

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I told them band name first, puppet show last.

A big fear we’d had during the first half of tour was the massive rainstorms coming into Texas. As we headed there, we were promised by the meteorologists that we would be getting the few dry days Texas had in weeks. What they didn’t mention was the horrible humidity that would be killing us as we loaded into Houston’s own Fitzgerald’s Theater. Are we California wimps? Surely. Does it suck to load in a full stage show up stairs in sweltering heat and 100% humidity? Surely.

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Weapons of Mosh Destruction 3-D: Part 1: The Beginining

It’s all becoming a hazy blur… I really bungled my self-appointed position as blogger extraordinaire this last tour. I didn’t write down shit. Was there lots of downtime? Yes. Was I tired a lot? Yes. Did I figure out how Hulu works on my phone so I could watch a bunch of Venture Brothers? Oh yes. Looking at this tour pass, I realize my folly to try and remember it all later.

All access to the parking lot in the back of the BBQ joint we're playing
All access to the parking lot in the back of the BBQ joint we’re playing

But attempt to remember it, I shall. How I wish I had recorded my touringest years of 2008-2010, even just a little bit. So here goes… I had gone into work early to finish my Faith No More poster. I churned it out in record time, because Sean had been a tad upset in a text exchange the night before when I reminded him I had work on the day we were to leave tour. Still, I got done fast and showed up at the allotted hour to load the trailer and… those mooks were still painting costumes. It would be four or so more hours until we finally left Oakland. And those fucking costumes still weren’t finished.

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Falling Down 2014 Tour Log Part 2

Tampa, Florida. What kind of bat-shit insane place protects feral chickens that are a god damned invasive species in the first place? A $5,000 fine awaits any poor fool that fouls with these fowls. This is either a side-effect of the heat or the bath salts.

Like Diamond D, I was made crazy from the heat
Like Diamond D, I was made crazy from the heat

Nevertheless, we had a great time at the Orpheum. The staff seemed a bit nervous about our antics, but the owner really came through and let us stage all our ridiculous shit in otherwise verboten rooms. I know it’s unexciting, but it was another damn smooth show. What the fuck am I even supposed to write about at this point?  Ooh, yay, another smooth day on tour. How fucking exciting. Then we went to Atlanta.

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Falling Down 2014 Tour Log Part 1

This has been a busy, busy tour. The kind of stage wrangling and crafting we’re doing is pushing our limits. And driving all the god damned time has really put a crunch in my writing. But here I am, about half way through tour, speeding through the swampy mess of Florida ready to bath salts and leave a baby in a hot car. This is sure to be TLDR.

Get ready for a long night
Get ready for a long night

We started tour prep back in February, writing up a list of new props to build, things to buy, and songs to learn. Half way through tour, we’re still trying to check off some stuff from that list. Props are being modified, shit is being bought, and songs have actually been learned during sound checks. One of the biggest things we bought was Rosie, the 6×12 trailer that bafflingly is still filled to the brim just like our old, smaller trailer. On the plus side, when it’s empty, it’s become a back stage at a couple venues. Why buy? We had the savings in our personal accounts and we can just sell the damn thing when we get home. Having capital is the only way to increase it.

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Killing Kids in America 1

I’m too old for this shit. The Sean Band, in all our covert costume glory, is going on tour with Gwar.

van and trailer

First day of tour, and stuff is already fucking up. I’ve already had to sew a bunch of masks all night, then it was time for my DIY road case in the morn (more on that in a future post). Forget packing, paying bills, etc. The show must go on! At least, someday.

I’d planned a whole post about trailers. Considering this was the day mine failed, why not now.

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Esprit de Corpse 7

Another day off (sigh) and two days travel from Rotterdam to Berlin. Impaled was going to get some more mandatory sightseeing. First, while still in the Netherlands, we drove to ‘s-Hertogenbosch, or Den Bosch, the birthplace of Hieronymus Bosch, a most epic painter. It’s a quaint little town in the Netherlands. We’d wanted to visit the museum, but like all things in Europe, it’s closed directly when you want to get in. Apparently, all museums and music gear shops close on Mondays. When I asked about it once, I was stared at like a madman: of COURSE all music gear shops are closed on Monday. What a fool I am. At least we saw the statue dedicated to Bosch in the city square.

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We also visited St. John’s Cathedral. It was nice, and then Povey got on the live mic in the back altar and said, “testicle,” for the whole cathedral to hear. It’s one of those moritfying moments that you then have to high-five the mortifier for having the balls to do.

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